13. Pipe smoking bald man

Us bearded baldies are, of course, in a class of our own. This much is true. However, there are those within this elite group that rise above us all. I say no more, except that one day I too will smoke a pipe but will never be this cool.

See this demi-God in action here.

12. William Armstrong

I have to thank KTTS 94.7FM ('Country's Best') broadcasting out of Springfield, Missouri for this. I'll let them tell you about William Armstrong

"Police are asking for your help catching a man from Springfield with warrants out for his arrest. Crime Stoppers says William Shawn Armstrong is wanted for First Degree Assault and for not showing up to face a felony charge of Child Neglect. Armstrong is 31 years old, white, with a bald head, goatee and thick prescription glasses."

Bald head, goatee and glasses. With that look, there's not a judge in the land, etc, etc.

11. The Puzzler

My son, the final arbiter as to whether someone looks a bit like me, loves The Numberjacks, one of the most peculiar and scary children's 'educational' programmes. I can't even begin to try and explain what it's all about, but the Puzzler is simply a floating head who comes and does things with numbers that upset the natural order of things. So there he floats, laughing occasionally with a Sid James/Lou Carpenter laugh and amusing the lad. However, he completely freaks me out, so I think we should move on quickly.

9 and 10. Men from gay web site*

I'm already getting slack and missed a day yesterday, so here are two lookers my wife found online. Both are anonymous and are to be found on the 'magic of ordinary guys' blog. I only wish I'd known sooner that the bald with goatee look was so attractive to some gay men - I may have made some different lifestyle choices.

* By this I mean that the website is aimed at a gay audience, not that the website itself is gay. That would be silly.

8. David Applebaum

Like Rob, from 'High Fidelity' (perhaps my favourite film [after Star Wars, but that's a given]), on my Top 5 Jobs list would almost certainly be Architect. I've been trying to think about why and I really don't know. I don't have a creative bone in my body, my interest in structural engineering is shaky at best and I don't really want to go back to university for that long. Perhaps it's the black polo-neck jumpers or the fact that, according to todays person-who-looks-a-bit-like-me, I could possibly fool a few people into thinking I'm already there. David Applebaum designs houses for the wealthy, most of which are pretty ugly, unlike him.

7. John Travolta

Some might say that he's let himself go, but we all know that finally he's got it going on. Sure, he looked good in the white flared suit and nobody could rock the 50s leather look better. Hell, he even made heroin addiction and murder look like a worthy choice. Yet after all the dancing, singing, shooting (up) and scientology, John Travolta is now sporting the look that real men know is the right one. All that's needed now is a trip to Specsavers.

6. The Shend

In Iceland, surnames as we understand them don't exist; one takes one's father's name and adds -son or -dottir, thus Magnus Magnusson, or Bjork Godmundsdottir. Now this is a great and wonderful thing, but it makes identifying people in, for example, a phone book difficult. As a result, most people are known by their first name only, thus 'Bjork'. Now if I was a better, cleverer writer, who'd actually thought about exactly where this was going, I'd have found a way to link this fact to today's person who looks a bit like me, the musician, actor and hat wearer known only as 'The Shend'. I know nothing more about him, so for more information, I must refer you to my old friend, the man with whom I have shared many a whole chocolate cake, Jon Harding. Actually, Jon's got the goatee and only a little on top as well. You may see him here soon.